Friday, October 1, 2010

Not Happily Ever After

I am human. Moms are human. As much as we'd love to be perfect for the sake of our babies, it's just not possible. I had a few of those less-than-perfect days last week. Allergies + a sore throat + chronic insomnia = one cranky mother of two. It was bad. My poor babies had to put up with my mood swings and my very short fuse. It got so bad at one point, I had to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes and just let it all out. When I came out, my eyes were red and my ego was shattered, but I managed to pull myself together and apologize to the little people for being a jerk to them.

"It's OK, it was an accident" Julian said as he threw his arms around my neck.

We have good days, we have bad days. That's life.

There is no such thing as happily ever after . Happiness comes in moments. Sometimes it may last a few days. Sometimes a few hours. Sometimes only a few minutes. But it goes as quickly as it comes. The trick is recognizing it when it arrives and savoring every precious second of it.

We all have troubles, bills, traumas, pasts, problems, things/ people who annoy us, etc... but there is no rule or law that says we have to dwell or focus on them. Life is short.

I think about the many years I wasted depressed. I got the professional help, I took the meds and I was still unhappy. I wished to die more times than I can count. I had to get sick and feel like my life was coming to an end for me to realize how amazing life is.

I spent many nights thinking about what my babies would do without their mother. I cried for all the times I actually thought their lives could be so much better without me and I begged Him for a second chance.

I had a hamper full of blood-drenched clothing, which sat their  for several days. After I came home from my second D&C, I didn't even think they'd be worth washing, because I thought the blood stains had surely set in by then. I threw them in the washer anyway, hoping to save a few things. To my amazement, every single stain came out. And it's not like these were little spots or anything. Half my wardrobe (the bottom half) was completely covered in blood. And they were all gone......I didn't even pre-treat!!!

Thank you Tide, for washing away the blood. Not only did you save me a whole bunch of money, but you gave me hope.........................................Hope that everything would be OK.

 I still have bad days, like every other human on this earth, but at least I don't dwell on it anymore. I take those moments of happiness and I engrave them into my soul. Whether it's something funny the kids said or finding a dollar in a dirty pair of jeans, I savor every second of it. I let it run through me and purify me, before it runs off and 'life' happens again. And when it goes, I don't say goodbye, I just say see you later, because I know it knows where to find me and that I'll be waiting with arms wide open.

Beauty is everywhere.

 You just have to pay attention. Look closely. Smile.

It's funny how the more susceptible we are to life's constant ups and downs, the more ups it seems to bring. Don't get discouraged when life brings you a whole bunch of downs all at once, though. Cry, think, sob a little if you need to, but as soon as that up makes an appearance, grab it!

Remember, life is short. Don't wait for a reminder from Him, to make every day count.