Wednesday, March 16, 2011

If You Give A Girl A Green Card.....

She might ask for a driver's license. Her first one ever, even though she learned to drive a decade ago. She might also want a decent job. The kind that asks for a background check and all that fun stuff.

I've been having so much fun with my brand new legal status. Sure, it may sound lame to all you natural-born Americans, but I've never had this much freedom before and I'm loving on it. I've applied at dozens of places, just 'cause I [legally] can! and to my surprise, a couple of them have called me back.

Ooohhhh, it feels good to be legal. Not gonna lie, sometimes I wanna shout it out to random people on the street. Hey, you! guess what! I am a legal permanent resident! or when someone is rude to me on the phone or something, the first come-back that comes to mind is Well, you may be having a bad day and taking it out on me, but guess what!- I am a legal permanent resident bitch! Take that! *waves fist in the air* I'll bet they've never heard that one before.

And suddenly, the word legal has become my favorite word. Watch me throw it around thoughtlessly... and you can be 100% certain I smiled every single time I typed it. Tee-hee!

So, the past couple of legal months have been awesome. Except for the fact that my boys have been sick off and on for several weeks now. First, it was that pesky stomach bug. Now, the oldest is getting over bronchitis and the little one had a double ear infection. But, don't worry. Amoxicillin is making it all better. Legally.

Oh, and as of February 21st, I am legally 26 years young. Which means I am legally half-way through my twenties. Which also means it is time for me to re-examine all of my short-term / long-term goals, hopes and dreams. Here's a short list off the top of my head, including a few things I've already had the pleasure of legally doing:

  • Buy my first beer, just 'cause I legally can [even though I don't drink]
  • Order an alcoholic beverage at a restaurant just so they'll card me [even though I think fruity little alcoholic drinks are gross, but I drank it anyway, just so it wouldn't be a waste]
  • Pass my written exam at the DMV
  • Offer to show my green card to a potential employer, even though he didn't ask for it
  • Purposely getting caught in an immigration checkpoint just so I can bust the card out
  • Get a super cool job- One where I don't have to sneeze on rude people's food....not that I ever did that....
  • Pretend I don't speak English, so that I don't stop feeling Mexican
  • Pretend I don't speak Spanish, so that I feel more American
  • Apply for financial aid and smile as I type in my social security number
  • Sell long-stemmed roses by the freeway exit, so that I feel more Mexican
  • Hold a cardboard sign by the freeway exit, so that I feel more American
  • Shave my eyebrows and sharpie them in, then dye my hair brassy-blonde and let my dark roots grow out, so people will know that even though I'm legal, I still know who I am and where I came from
  • Walk around town speaking with an English accent and look really confused when people ask me what part of England I'm from....just for shits and giggles
Ok, I'm only kidding on some of those, but if I really wanted to......legally......I could! Ah, what a wonderful addition to this country I will be :) And I'm just getting started!

Alright, so, girl has a green card... now girl needs a cookie to eat before going to bed. Goodnight. Have a very legal rest of the week.