When You Are Drowning Use Your Children As Floating Devices

There will be times in life in which you will feel like you are in the middle of the ocean, with nowhere to go, no one to help you, no hint of dry land in sight... Just little ol' you and the massive, cruel, cold waves of the ocean. And just when you think all is calm and you're gathering the strength and the energy to keep your head above the disgustingly salty sea water- BAM! outta nowhere, another wave will hit you over the head and drag you down as deep as oceanly possible, pounding on you so hard, it'll make you wish you were already dead, so that you wouldn't have to suffer through the unpredictable currents of life's oceans.

And you just want to cry and give up and whine about how unfair your life is. 

Then you remember that giving up is not an option, because you have little people who are watching your every move, depending on you, not only for all of life's basic necessities, but for love, support and comfort, as well. They will grow up and become YOU- the same you who let the waves of life win the battle or the YOU who fought back as hard as humanly possible even when the odds were against you.

Today, I sit in front of my computer monitor with a bag of frozen veggies on my face, in a desperate attempt to ease the pain caused by a toothache, my bank account is several hundreds of dollars overdrawn, the month of December starts tomorrow, bringing with it a whole new batch of bills and holiday expenses, my husband is unemployed and my growing belly is making it harder and harder for me to accomplish the simplest of tasks....but I know someone, somewhere has it ten times harder than I do and is managing to stay afloat.

I can turn around and see my babies quietly watching T.V. Some parents aren't as fortunate. They have to visit their children in hospitals and pray to God that they will make it through the night.

Tonight, when I feel like I'm drowning, with nowhere to go and nothing to hang on to, I will hang on tight to my babies and trust that they will bring me out to safety. They will show me what unconditional love looks like, even after I've taken out all of my frustrations on them. And they will find reasons to smile and make me smile with them, because they love me and they need to keep swimming, no matter what.

It's funny how I brought them to life thinking I would always be the one to protect them, and here they are, little as can be, helping me keep my head above water. So, bring on the waves! I've got secret, magic floating devices.

This 'life' thing...it's complicated stuff. Bittersweet. Sometimes a little more bitter than sweet. But who knows what tomorrow will bring?