Things I Know

I miss you more every day. The days go by, but this wound is not healing. I try to smile and stay strong for your brothers, but inside my heart is barely beating. I'm constantly holding back tears and pretending I'm ok, but I'm not. I'm sad. Always sad. The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing you are well and that we will meet again someday.

I feel so privileged to have had you grow inside me. Your entire life took place in my womb. I never got to see you live outside me, but for 39 whole weeks I got to feel you grow inside me. Thank you. I'll hold those memories in my heart for the rest of my life.

The day I said goodbye to your tiny, precious body, I engraved every detail into my mind and my heart- the little wrinkles on your toes, your short, silky eyelashes, the sweet fragrance of your sin, how smooth your cheek felt against mine, how soft your little nose felt on my lips every time I kissed it, how perfectly you fit into my arms... We only had a little over a day together, but I remember every second of it. 

I love you, sweet angel. I always did and always will. I was waiting for you anxiously. Your clothes and your bassinet were ready for you, your brothers were counting the days, daddy was so excited and momma was going to quit her job for you, sweety. I wanted to be home for you, like I was for your brothers.

I love you, baby. I thank God for the 39 weeks He gave us together. He allowed me to feel you grow into a precious baby boy, but He had other plans for you and I know you are well, because you're with Him. You went from my womb straight into His arms. How lucky I am to be the mother of an angel. It hurts, but I know where you are and Who you're with.

I love you, little precious.

Love,

Mommy

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